ABOUT CAREGIVERS //

LLNW: Please introduce yourself – what is your name, and what is your profession?

 

Amy: I am an intuitive life coach and mental health advocate. My coaching practice focuses on helping people learn to thrive in their lives, especially after crisis. I also facilitate an online parent and caregivers community called "Recharge Basecamp," created as a space for parents and caregivers to meet and share their stories and find support in a private setting.

 

What drew you to your field of expertise?

 

In late 2010, my son spiraled into a mental health breakdown that I barely saw coming and during the more than 18 months of hospitalizations, facilities and a suicide attempt, I found very little support for parents/caregivers who were experiencing crisis. We’ve been led to believe that because it’s our job as parents to care for our children and loved ones, we aren’t supposed to need help or support. In fact, this is the exact set of circumstances that we should be seeking support. A parent or caregiver, who is not supported, cannot effectively support their loved one. 

 

As I emerged from the crisis, I found that I had two choices: I could put the whole thing behind me, rebuild my life and move on or I could use my story to help others who may be finding themselves in the same set of circumstances with no one to talk to and no where to go for support. If I could not find it, I decided to build it.

 

How do you define caregiver advocacy?

 

So often caregivers are led to believe that it is their job to “grin and bear it” when a loved one goes into crisis. Whether these caregivers are parents, family members, or friends, managing all of the needs of a loved one in crisis without support, guidance, and even someone to talk to about their struggles puts these caregivers at risk of developing their own physical, emotional, and mental health challenges. 

 

As a caregiver advocate, I provide coaching, guidance, and share my own personal lessons learned to other caregivers; I provide a safe, private place for them to share their feelings, their concerns, and/or what is overwhelming them. Often caregivers find themselves dealing with insurance situations, medical provider challenges, and their own need for respite with little to no direction or support to help them through each day.

 

How would you explain to an addict caregiver looking for support how to go about finding it?

 

Finding caregiver support can be challenging because often caregivers are not identified as needing care or support during an addiction or mental health crisis. For group support, I highly 

recommend AlAnon and because they have programs nationwide, caregivers and family members often have easy access to meetings. I also recommend that caregivers align themselves with 

either a therapist or a coach so that they can work through their challenges in a healthy way.

 

Are there issues that you believe do not get sufficient attention or advocacy?

 

Caregivers are often the overlooked heroes in a crisis situation.  Medical professionals have not yet recognized how powerful a caregiver can be as part of the treatment team, and often caregivers are left out of the big decisions that are made in regards to the care of their loved one.  

 

The thing that caregivers do not always remember is that while the medical/treatment teams have an expertise, caregivers are the experts of their loved ones. That is just as important and sometimes more important when it comes to the level of care their loved one will receive in treatment. 

 

Who should seek caregiver advocacy support? Do all caregivers need coaching?

 

Coaching and advocacy support are very personal choices. If a caregiver feels lost in the crisis, unable to function normally or isn’t sure what next steps they should be taking to support their loved one, coaching is a great option to help them stay healthy in the midst of crisis.

 

 

 

What should a caregiver expect in terms of therapy? Is it similar to other more familiar forms of therapy (i.e. group sessions, appointments with a counselor, etc.)?

 

Since there are few formal caregiver support organizations, caregiver therapy is often overlooked. If a caregiver chooses to seek out therapy or coaching for themselves, it is important that they determine what type of situation works best. Often caregivers start out looking for one on one support from a therapist or coach; this allows for confidential sharing and exploring. Group settings are generally introduced later in the process, once the caregiver has established a base of care. 

 

I recommend weekly or bi-weekly coaching sessions with each of the caregivers that I coach, especially during crisis times. Each individual has unique needs and the coach and caregiver can negotiate what works best.

 

What do you think is the most common reason caregivers do NOT seek help for themselves?

 

Caregivers don’t often know or realize that it is ok to need support. Often caregivers feel that if they are not able to handle the situation it is a sign of weakness. There can be guilt associated with taking time for themselves when their loved one is in crisis. There is also stigma often associated with both addiction and mental health crises, which can keep caregivers from seeking support. 

 

What could a caregiver gain from seeking support?

 

The biggest thing that a caregiver will gain from seeking support is the realization that they are not alone in their experience, that they are not the cause of the loved one's crisis, and that it is ok to ask for help.

 

What advice would you give to a caregiver that may help them get the most from therapy?

 

The hardest thing about seeing a loved one in crisis is not taking on responsibility or blaming oneself for the situation. Going into therapy or coaching, it is important that a caregiver is able to be open to the possibilities that their loved ones actions and choices do not have a direct reflection on who they are or how they have conducted themselves as a parent or caregiver. It is 

not always easy to separate ourselves from our loved ones, but it is necessary so that both the loved one and the caregivers come through the crisis and heal.

 

What would people find unique about your methods of therapy and coaching?

 

My work is primary coaching, I do not diagnose and therefore am not considered a therapist.  My unique method of coaching and advocacy encompasses what I call 'excavation.' In this method, I work with my client to peel back the layers of their own stories, so that they can find their truth and in finding their truth, they 

are able to better support themselves and their loved ones in a time of crisis. I also share lessons learned, pitfalls and potholes that many caregivers fall into and give solutions and options for better ways of dealing with things such as denial, giving away power, and disempowerment.

 

Are there ‘typical’ traits you see in caregivers?

 

Typically caregivers do not recognize how important it is for their own self care during a crisis. Often caregivers give away their power and stay silent in treatment decisions because they do not believe that their input is as important as the doctor's or treatment teams supporting their loved one. Many times, without the proper support and community, caregivers will find themselves going into denial about certain aspects of their loved one’s care or even their own need for care. Often caregivers feel guilty seeking their own support when their loved one needs so much attention and care.